hell...?no..

did i tell you even a single bit that i am very dissapointed and devastated at this period of time? yup, i am very devastated but Lord give me that little courage to endure what is meant by "frustation". you will know when it's time for us to walk away from something we love, we want it and we want it so much until it pained us to bleed to see it eventually became somebody else's.

but hell? no. i was quite relieved to let him go by myself. as it were as "biarlah dia bahagia dengan orang lain asalkan dia tak de atas dunia ni je." some people may regard what i had done as sacrifices or proof that i am deeply in love him, but once again, hell, no. it is the symbol of freedom and pride.

it is also the symbol of betrayal.

i let myself free from more sets of "heartache". i prided myself to dump someone who will ever learn to appreciate me at all. and i betrayed myself at the very peak of my heart for letting him go.

it is hard, i swear to God, when we have to let go someone we loved very much. learning that we are now in our own path, i woke up every morning with tears in my eyes. i woke up to hope that all that have happened is only a dream and i will wake up soon. i want to tell him what i've eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. i waited for the time when he actually ask for forgiveness from me. only God knows how much i want to go back to the past when i might save our relationship. but then again, what will it lead me anyway?

i am so strong, i can live my life in tears and smiles. and grins. and laughs. i will not suffered any longer. bcoz deep down, i know i have faith to God and He will lead me to a better life than griefing this way. i just lost love for someone that is not my husband, and it is not the end of my life. may he be happy all the way, and may Allah lend me little strength to me to be His faithful servant.

wanna go for facial treatment with my mom. i will keep this pain deep down my heart. cry silently in the night, yes, but to think this is the end of the world, hell, no!

taa for now..

oh oh...ari ahad lalu!

hari ahad lalu saya dan rakan rakan saya pergi menjelajah ke midvalley. alangkah seronok itu hari. hahaha. saya berjumpa dengan raifana, kawan lama saya. saya amat enjoy. haha.

rindu gila sama itu kawan lama saya. lain kali kami akan berjumpa lagi. tapi bukan minggu depan dan minggu satu lagi. kerana dia mahu pergi balik kampung dan pergi dating sama itu pakwe dia. haha...

saya keluar pukul 9 dan balik pukul 10. saya balik pak cik syakirin saya hantar okay. saya budak baik. saya baritahu ibu saya bahawa saya mahu keluar. kami keluar naik tren dan saya mabuk tren. sampai dekat kl sentral, saya muntah dalam tandas. aaaaahhhhhhh...tidak...

kawan saya iaitu anis pergi dating bersama2 dengan pakwe dia la. dengan siapa lagi. saya merasa amat jeles jadi saya just pandang je la. sebab saya budak baik. hahaha...

dan pada hari esoknya saya telah jatuh sakit. saya telah dilanda tekanan darah rendah yang menyebabkan saya ditahan wad di pusat kesihatan uitm shah alam. tekak saya sakit, rupanya tonsil saya telah bengkak. dan saya telah bertaubat nak pergi kl tanpa membawa air masak atau 100plus. oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............