Paramore!

Saya sudah jatuh cinta dengan Paramore. Gila-gila jatuh cinta. Akhirnya...

Stuck.

Baru perasan, lagu-lagu yang saya minat semua lebih kurang sama. Tak la sama. Cumanya orang kata, genre, eh, rentak yang lebih kurang sama. Woah.

Paramore, The Veronicas, Evanescence, etc, etc. Hee. Suka, suka. =P

Celebration!

Wah, tadi entry ke-100!

After such a long hiatus. =P

Imma bad girl. With killer eyes. Hahah. =P

There's been a lot, or too much things have been wandering in my mind lately.Too much. And if I could, I wanna write it all in my blog. This blog. But my mind doesn't really set in peace, too much motion in it, and I'm getting tired to please my mind. Hahah.

I must admit, I miss him. And maybe that makes me miserable. I must be freaking crazy because I'm missing the wrong person. He loves somebody else. Not me. Obviously not me. And it has been 4 months since he left me. I don't know why he did that to me. He gave me hopes, and now it is intolerable for me to bear. I see him everywhere I go. Don't ask me why. I don't know either. Maybe I had faced denial and rejection before this. And when I came back to reality, my heart hurts so much. Seeing him with that girl killed my soul. That girl loves him. I'm happy for both of them. I have to.

Suddenly I lose hope. I'm lost. It's like I can't accept the fate. You know, like you are losing yourself. Unbearable, I must say.

I know I have to find the real me. That's why I decided to accept, that I love him, still, I have to accept, that   I am afraid to lose him. It's like a part of me, missing. But what can I do? I don't want him anymore. I love him. I still do, though he did his best in hurting me badly.

This will do. Accepting the truth, the fact. I don't want to live in denial anymore. Sometimes, the biggest enemy is our own self. Too bad, I didn't pity myself.

If I lose my own self, this is the time I find a new me. I must be so naive before, I made mistakes, too much. I decided on wrong options. I am a "desperate" little chick that don't know the real world. Therefore, change is a must.

Experience maybe what I'm lack of. I grow up with little tendency to understand the meaning of challenge. Fate. I used to be in safe zone. Now it's time for me, to come out, emerge from my cocoon, explore new things. Take risks. It might be a little too late. Or it might not. I will never know what future brings me. But I know one thing.

I have to defeat my biggest challenge.

My Own Self. 

We'll never know what future brings us. I will make lots and lots of mistakes. I will make wrong decisions again in life. I might turn out to be wrong always. I might be down, I might lose myself again. I might be defeated too after this. But I'm glad, Adam, because you had taught me, a lot.

Please be happy.

P/S : I know, I know. It's all about him.

Facebook tak boleh bukak. =(

Tak best, tak best. Facebook tak boleh bukak. Tak boleh nak update info (academic sikit) pasal kawan-kawan kesayangan saya. Saya sayang kawan-kawan saya. Awak je yang tak tahu. Sebab saya tak tunjuk. Malu and segan.

Malam tadi saya sunyi sangat-sangat. Rasa macam nak menangis. Tapi cepat-cepat saya ingat,

Allah ada. 

He'll never leave us whenever we need them the most. Maybe kat sini penuh dengan kenangan saya dengan Adam agaknya. But never mind. He has his own path now. I just can pray for his happiness. I have made my own mistakes too, and maybe it's written that we are not for each other. Allah knows the best.

Entah-entah ibu doa saya dengan dia tak panjang jodoh tak? 

Hehe. Kalau buat, bagus juga. At least I know the man's true colour. Better be careful after this. Saya dah dilanda paranoia.

Malam tadi pak cik saya pinjam lappy saya. Sebab tu saya sunyi sikit kot. Ni pak cik saya. Saya sayang pak cik saya. Tapi semalam saya nampak dia kurus sangat. Errkkhh? Kenapa pak cik kurus sangat eh?

Makan banyak-banyak pak cik. 

Kalau arwah tok ada, mesti dia cakap pak cik baru lepas putus cinta.

As usual, tak ada orang pun layan formspring saya. Isk. Kenyataan menyakitkan. Hurtful truth. Tapi tak pe lah. Sebab saya tak tahu jugak orang nak tanya saya apa. Sebab saya pun tak tahu nak tanya orang pasal apa. Saya lagi suka observe orang kot rather than tanya terus setepek kat muka. Observe lagi mencabar kan?

OK lah, saya nak habiskan tengok Seigi No Mikata lagi ni. Pastu saya nak baca buku. Yosh!

P/S : Saya nak bercuti kat pulau. Saya nak merehatkan dan menenangkan fikiran. =(

Yeay!

Saya dah habis test syntax. Rindu pulak kat Madam Noi. Baiklah, saya nak chow rumah Mak Teh saya kejap lagi. Ada siapa-siapa nak ikut?

Main dengan budak kecik ni. 

P/S : Say Hey, I Love You! 

Hey Slim!

Saya baru study syntax! Woohoo.. Amazing tak? =P Torataro study memang tak boleh blah. Tapi terpaksa. I have to reach my target, at least, so that my mom and abah won't dissapointed with me. Uyuun, dah masuk asasi, jangan malas-malas like your sister ni. Later when you encounter degree, kena culture shock karang. Dah terlambat nak berubah. Like me.

So, for preparation la kan, I bought all these masa beli dinner tadi. Mintak orang belikan kita pizza, tak de orang nak. Sedihnya la. Yela, siapa lah sayang saya kan. Isk3. Pakwe pun tinggal saya. ='(

By the way, ada orang sayang saya tak? Mengaku cepat!

Oh, selamat berbahagia, cousinku, abang Amir. Dah selamat akad nikah siang tadi. Kita sama-sama doakan kebahagiaan diorang yek? Kita jumpa kat Raub nanti, okeh! Al-Fatihah to my late grandma, tak sempat tengok cucu dia kahwin. You will always in our heart, tok. I love you. I miss you.

P/S : Oh, dengar kata one of my friend dekat Indonesia nak balik bulan 7 ni, preparation for his marriage. I'm happy for you, abang Fadhil. Semoga happy dengan bakal zaujah. =) Saya nak cepat-cepat makan nasi kerabu!

Excited Nak Update Blog.

Tomorrow I have a killer paper and I really have not started reading yet. I guess it's my nature since I was in school. I can't change for the better, kot.

By the way,

Saya tengah sedap-sedap tengok SEIGI NO MIKATA ni. 

Ada siapa-siapa nak paksa saya study tak?

P/S : Agaknya saya kena cari BF yang boleh ubah saya jadi rajin sikit agaknya. =P

Blog saya ni tak best kot. Macam tak de siapa pun yang respond bila saya bercakap sorang-sorang dalam ni. I mean selain PAJID. =P

Hah, tido, tido.

Selamat dari Jauh.

Abah pukul saya dengan rotan bila saya tak solat. Sakit, abah, sakit. Abah pukul lagi dengan rotan bila saya bangun lambat. Abah rotan saya depan kawan saya sebab saya balik lambat. Abah buat pekak telinga bila saya nak balik rumah, tak nak duduk asrama. Abah simbah muka saya dengan air bila saya tak bangun masa ibu kejut solat Subuh. Abah lempang saya bila Syukri hilang dekat KLCC masa umur dia 4 ke 5 tahun dulu, depan orang ramai. Masa saya tingkatan dua, abah rotan saya depan kawan saya nama Asyikin depan pintu rumah sebab saya balik lambat and tak solat lagi. 


Pagi-pagi, abah kejut saya bangun lepas solat Subuh suruh hantar adik-adik pergi sekolah. Tapi selalunya, abah suruh saya basuh pinggan pagi-pagi sejuk macam tu. Abah selalu marah saya. Marah, marah and marah lagi. Dah besar-besar pun saya kena rotan, kena lempang, kena tampar, kena pukul. Saya bengang sebab ayah saya jarang sangat buat adik-adik saya macam tu. Saya selalu rasa saya ni anak angkat terbuang dari mana entah. Kulit gelap, adik-beradik saya semua putih. 




Abah, terima kasih sebab tamparan abah, rotan abah, "seksaan" abah, akak di sini sekarang. Kenal erti Tuhan, kenal erti agama. Kenal erti ibadat and tahu apa itu Hamba Allah. Akak reti makna tanggungjawab dan kasih sayang pada family. Akak tahu apa itu anak sulung. Akak tahu apa makna "abah".

Kerana akak anak abah.

Kerana darah akak ada darah abah. 

Dalam diri akak ada abah. 

Dan akak bangga akak anak abah. 

Walaupun akak tak pernah cakap depan abah, akak nak dunia tahu akak sayang abah. 

Sangat-sangat. 

SELAMAT HARI LAHIR, ABAH. 

Semoga tabah. And setiap doa akak untuk abah. 

P/S : Happy belated birthday jugak Ibu. I love you more and more. Ibu is the best in the world!