Berbicara tentang Tabiat

i bite my nails and my friends always yell and stare at me when i happened to do that stupid things. it's disgusting, and surely, it disgusts me, but i just cannot help it. my mom keep reminding me, for if i keep biting my nails, it will soon died (my nails, of course) and will never grow again.

i started to bite my nails since i was in Standard 3 (or is it Standard 5?) and it became my 'tabiat' (mana kamus bergerak aku?) since then. but it doesn't happen all the time, thank God, for it will 'suddenly' happened if i am troubled, stressed and worried.

i once read that it is one of mental problems' symptoms. it was not until my mom told me, if i keep biting my nails, there's nobody wants to propose me, for engagement as they will run if they see my nails. haha! i regained my awareness, i want to get married, ok! i stopped biting them, for quite a time...

until recently, i started to bite them again. i was stressed by my recent relationship. i was depressed, totally depressed, i didn't enjoy my life anymore. it was then, when i think of my mother, i regained my senses (secara tiba-tiba-macam magik harry potter-hahaha). i was brought back to life.

i stared at my nails (oh,shit!-err, damn!) and this is it! i cannot stand it anymore! nak pergi butik tak mampu...

ku hanya mampu berserah. beli je la nail polisher, wanna go for pedicure-manicure of course, i don't have that much amount of money. huhu. oh, lupa, i bite my fingernails only ok!

i managed to stop, finally. sometimes, if i feel like biting them, i just put my fingers on my lips and think about having beautiful fingernails during my engagement and wedding ceremony. hahaha. it's still like an addiction for me, but then, i keep motivated by the situation. friends, and family.

i am lucky, i guess. self-motivation, it's what i like the most. i feel down, sometimes, but when it is time to recover, i found myself back.

just hope this will be forever....

One Thousands Smiles

JIRAN ROOMKU

if i were to be asked for something that i want in this world, I WISH "JIRAN2KU KAT SEBELAH ROOM AKU NI SENYUM", boleh tak? huhu... i wish they could give their pleasant smiles to me everytime i throw out smiles to them. but it would be mean pulak nanti.macam memaksa jew?

sometimes stress out jugak. as if, "diorang ni tak pernah nak senyum balik pada aku. kenapa yek? aku ada buat salah ke kat diorang?" but then, i feel pity for themselves or for those yang tak suka membalas senyuman yang diberi or dilemparkan. is it because they are soooo stressed out, or burn out, or out out you go?...debushhh!? ini amatlah tak dapat dipastikan.

tapi tadi aku baru perasan, orang yang tak cantik, kalau dia senyum dengan ikhlas, aku pun boleh cair. huhu. cantik lagi orang yang berbudi bahasa, daripada raut wajah yang cantik, tapi hmmm... i can consider if any of them got probs, which give reason for their act, however, if all of them behave like that, aku nak cakap apa ek?

i wonder why should i give a damn of mereka2 itu. tapi it IS a kind of stressful condition if we keep on living in community like this. kita hidup bermasyarakat bukan sorang2 kan? huhu...tak pelah. aku tak nak ambil sikap ignorant so, selagi aku boleh senyum kat diorang, aku senyum.

STRESSKAH ANDA KERANA PASANGAN ANDA?

oh, i do hope orang yang aku kenal tak burnout, or stress, or depressed because of a man didn't treat her caringly. aku rasa memang kebanyakan lelaki sebegitu, it's just hard to express their feelings, but i think some of them do care. in this case, i DO think that the man do care for you. it's just, ala, biasala tu, the man just feel insecure. ye la, commitment is not a child's play. nak2 lagi komitmen yang membawa kepada benda2 yang besar dalam hidup. sebagai contoh, soal nikah kahwin ke, soal masa depan ke. uih, mak aih. susah nak jawab tu. banyak yang kena pikir.

jodoh is some kind of 'fate'. jodoh dah ditentukan dari azali lagi. kalau ada jodoh, ada la. kalau tak de, meh kita ramai2 berdoa supaya kita bertemu suami dan isteri di syurga Allah. Insya Allah. (kesedaran baru timbul, ok?) bak kata pujangga, kebahagiaan tu, macam kupu-kupu. kalau kita kejar, dia makin lari. tapi bila kita duduk diam2, dia akan hinggap kat kita. (aku rasa abang Fadhil bagi mesej kat aku cakap pasal ni la dulu kot?) macam tu jugak dengan jodoh kot. i was once loved a person, damn love him very much sampailah satu saat yang menghancurkan hubungan aku and dia. at first, i blame him for all the reason. but then, it is me who is at fault. aku terlupa untuk kejar cinta Agung yang sepatutnya aku kejar atas dunia ni untuk kesenangan aku kat akhirat.

so, apa kata, buat derk je. kalau rasa sakit hati, senyum je kat dia and diam. nanti mesti dia tertanya2 apa yang kita pikir. kalau kita dah biasa berbalah dengan dia, kali ni buat bodoh je. sebab, kalau kita balas balik apa yang dia cakap pun buat sakit hati kita je. nak2 lagi kalau orang itu jenis cepat sikit 'hot'nya.

SYURGA CINTA

aku baru tengok syurga cinta semalam. not bad la pada aku yang jarang tengok cerita and memang tak minat tengok cerita. masih ada yang aku tak puas hati, terutamanya part mak and ayah irham tu macam tergantung je. i like heliza, she's cute!(hahaw-terutamanya bila dia senyum- oh aku dah kata aku suka perempuan senyum, boleh cair meh) but the most important thing is, ayat yang Heliza tuturkan kat satu babak tu betul2 menusuk hati aku.

"cinta dan hati saya bukan untuk dipermainkan (or is it bukan untuk orang yang tak pandai menghargai?)"

-kerana aku tak menghargai cinta Yang Satu kepadaku, maka cinta aku kepada Hamba Allah tidak dihargai. What you give you get back. kerana aku macam mempermainkan cinta Yang Maha Penyayang, cinta aku dipermainkan balik. Salah aku rupanya. *tears of regret* Ampunkan aku ya Tuhan.

RABIATUL ADAWIYAH

masa kat library INTEC tadi, i read a book about sufism...betapa aku cemburu pada insan yang bernama Rabiatul Adawiyah. huhu. sampai sekarang aku tak boleh buang rasa cemburu ni. ermmm... aku nak letak nama anak aku Rabiatul Adawiyah, boleh tak?

APA-APA JE LAH...

aku amat keboringan hari ni. that explains why aku blog panjang2 hari ni. aku rasa macam nak balik kuantan je. tapi aku ada quizzes next week. aku ada linguistics(my greatest fear) and titas test. aiyo... kak irni balik seremban pulak. Kak Irni, jadilah ceria macam dulu balik, ceriakan bilik ni balik. huhu. kalau aku stress dulu pun tak terasa sangat sebab bilik ni macam happening je. huhu... handphone aku tak berdering langsung hari ni. eh ada, daripada celcom. heheh. plan nak berbuka puasa sama2 dengan raifana, adibah, sukriyah, syiqin sekali minggu depan. o yeh! ini sudah bagus. rindu sama mereka kawan2 ku.

merapu meraban dah. wanna sleep.
take care you guys.
tata.
lebiu.
lebmi.
buhbye.

Dibelanja...

Venue : Noodle Station
Time : 6.15 p.m. - 9.45 p.m

thanks to naim, i ate springy noodle with bbq chicken blablabla (don't really know what should we call it) which cost me (ehem, naim) RM8.00. okeh, save money, save cost. bills are on Naim's hands (on his white shirt) and thanks to him, that was the first time i've ever stepped my feet in that cozy (and costy too) restaurant. don't know what to eat, i took almost 15minutes (i guess...) to decide what am i going to eat. i guess all of these expensive and exclusive food don't suit me at all. i'd rather eat spicy chicken mcdeluxe (or spicy mcchicken deluxe?) if i were to be given the option (with my money, of course).... lalalalala...

oh, we celebrated Anis' birthday that evening. she got her secret recipe from naim which later finished by all of us. hahah! choc indulgence, sape boleh tahan meh... oh, iqah didn't follow us, but later naim treated her secret recipe's cake. gila, that evening was like "best gila" bcoz boleh lepak2 with my friends. going for a date pun tak sebest hang out with friends. mijah pulak mengusha mamat putih noodle station tu. hahah! mizah, dia senyum jugak kat saya. jangan jeles ok! tet...

i didn't attend 3 classes today. my mom's gonna kill me if she knows that! huhu. but i meant to skip 1 class only, wanna take a deep rest after struggling with titas research paper. but, man, counselling class tiba2 pulak ganti on the spot after ctu's class. and i didn't get transportation to go for linguistics class later. i waited for 1.10 hour ok!

huuu...hari ni boring sikit. sebab dah terlampau boring, i texted tengku, finally. he replied with this - ingatkan dah tak nak message da. huhu. okeh, sorry...

wanna read membina imaginasi cemerlang. mmmm...


writer's block lagi...