Imma bad girl. With killer eyes. Hahah. =P

There's been a lot, or too much things have been wandering in my mind lately.Too much. And if I could, I wanna write it all in my blog. This blog. But my mind doesn't really set in peace, too much motion in it, and I'm getting tired to please my mind. Hahah.

I must admit, I miss him. And maybe that makes me miserable. I must be freaking crazy because I'm missing the wrong person. He loves somebody else. Not me. Obviously not me. And it has been 4 months since he left me. I don't know why he did that to me. He gave me hopes, and now it is intolerable for me to bear. I see him everywhere I go. Don't ask me why. I don't know either. Maybe I had faced denial and rejection before this. And when I came back to reality, my heart hurts so much. Seeing him with that girl killed my soul. That girl loves him. I'm happy for both of them. I have to.

Suddenly I lose hope. I'm lost. It's like I can't accept the fate. You know, like you are losing yourself. Unbearable, I must say.

I know I have to find the real me. That's why I decided to accept, that I love him, still, I have to accept, that   I am afraid to lose him. It's like a part of me, missing. But what can I do? I don't want him anymore. I love him. I still do, though he did his best in hurting me badly.

This will do. Accepting the truth, the fact. I don't want to live in denial anymore. Sometimes, the biggest enemy is our own self. Too bad, I didn't pity myself.

If I lose my own self, this is the time I find a new me. I must be so naive before, I made mistakes, too much. I decided on wrong options. I am a "desperate" little chick that don't know the real world. Therefore, change is a must.

Experience maybe what I'm lack of. I grow up with little tendency to understand the meaning of challenge. Fate. I used to be in safe zone. Now it's time for me, to come out, emerge from my cocoon, explore new things. Take risks. It might be a little too late. Or it might not. I will never know what future brings me. But I know one thing.

I have to defeat my biggest challenge.

My Own Self. 

We'll never know what future brings us. I will make lots and lots of mistakes. I will make wrong decisions again in life. I might turn out to be wrong always. I might be down, I might lose myself again. I might be defeated too after this. But I'm glad, Adam, because you had taught me, a lot.

Please be happy.

P/S : I know, I know. It's all about him.