Tingling.

He's my first love and I'm glad I've realized that he's not the one. I opened my Tagged account and he's among the six who's popped up to be online. He's still the same, I believe. Flirting with girls, that makes him, him. But I'm not upset, just like I'm used to. Deep in my heart, I want him to be happy, I want him to be blessed. And I realized, I've forgiven him for treating me the way he treated me before. It's not easy for me to write this. This post is somehow a little bit 'touching' for me. He's the one who said that he doesn't want me anymore. He asked me to leave him, not to find him anymore. He's the one who said...

I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. Saya dah ada PENGGANTI awak.

Yes, it hurts me. Because he was the one who asked me to come back to him. He was the one who asked me to love him back like before. He was the one who want me to be the queen of his heart again.

But I don't know if it still hurt me now. I guess my feelings towards him just disappeared right after he told me that. That he doesn't need me anymore. Is that really love? I mean, is that what we called love? We had been together for 3 years. And the moment he actually told me, LOUD AND CLEAR, that he doesn't want me anymore, I left him without feeling sad or upset at all. And now I'm asking  myself. What have I experienced before this? Is it love?

I thought he was my first love. But the thing is, I don't feel that it was like that anymore. I wonder what is love. I wonder what it feels to be in love. I wonder what it feels to love somebody. Suddenly it flew away, leaving my heart with emptiness of love and being loved by others. Was love like being tortured everyday? Was it like... making us smile every time we think of him? Was it like....?

I don't know. I just don't know. That's why I decided to comment on one of his photo.

"You look smart in this pic, kawan."

And I realized, the sparks is not there.

I DON'T LOVE HIM. I was blinded by my feelings. And maybe you too, Mr. C. I just hate the fact that you don't really need me, but I think that's the best. I guess I better be go. I guess I just have to let my feelings leave my soul. It kinda confusing me, Mr. C. But I know the best answer for this.

WHAT YOU FEEL AND WHAT I FEEL IS NOT LOVE. RIGHT? So, that's it, Mr. C. I miss you. I really do. But let's end it here, now, shall we?

*sigh*

P/S : It's never to late to pull out. I'm giving myself chance not to love people. What I feel and what I want is two different things. But I'm not going to let myself to involve in relationshipsfeelings anymore. Done.