Sangat sedih.
Bila cinta diperkotak-katikkan.
Terima kasih.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Naim Hanafiah. =)
Hikhik. OK after this I'll make sure I'll write everything clearly as crystal clear water. Uiks? XD
Let's proceed to what we have today. I posted something about tarik simpati macam tu la kat Facebook.
Let's proceed to what we have today. I posted something about tarik simpati macam tu la kat Facebook.
When people see me as "penarik simpati", that's what I called pathetic. See, I told you, I'm pathetic.
Ha, begitulah ceritanya. Baiklah, ini merujuk kepada blogpost Allah Ada tu sebenarnya. Ye la, maybe people think me as trying to make people symphatize me. That's not what my intention, though. Macam ni ceritanya.
Akhir-akhir ni aku rasa aku sorang-sorang. Nak pergi makan sama-sama, orang tak ajak. Puas panggil kawan-kawan, tapi semua tak dengar. Jalan-jalan tepi jalan, tak tegur. Setiap kali nak berborak dengan kawan-kawan, diorang suruh aku stop, lepas tu terus tak jadi borak. Pergi keluar gi mana-mana pun tak de orang ajak. Nak pilih group, automatically, aku yang tertinggal. Masuk group lain.
Tapi yang paling sedih bila aku masuk ward, tak ada siapa yang datang jenguk. Komander banyak kali tanya siapa yang nak jemput aku. Aku pun dengan senyum kata tak tahu. And komander tolong sedapkan hati aku dengan kata, "Tak pelah, mesti ada kawan-kawan datang sekejap lagi." Bila aku tanya komander barang-barang aku ada dekat padang kawad, dia kata "Saya suruh kawan-kawan awak ambik nanti".
Yeah. Dan balik-balik semua orang tak tahu kat mana beg aku, yang ada dompet and handphone segala tu. Tapi aku sedapkan hati aku kata, "Semua orang tak tahu kot. Diorang ingat aku dah bawak sekali".
Jealous dengan Lin sebab kawan-kawan dia datang ramai-ramai, and sampai-sampai terus peluk cium apa semua. Aku pulak yang terpinga-pinga sorang-sorang kat situ. Nasib baik diorang tumpang simpati empati. So, nak ucap berbanyak-banyak terima kasih la kat depa suma yang menolong masa aku masuk ward tu.
Sedih bila orang tak bagi tahu ada ceramah kesatria. Tu pun tahu sebab Aziem tiba-tiba tanya, "Korang pergi tak malam ni?" Semua jawab pergi, and sekali lagi aku terpinga-pinga seorang. And aku tanya, tiga kali, baru lah ada yang jawab.
And part yang paling sedih bila kat Facebook semua orang cerita pasal ke"best"an Bon Odori, aku tengok dengan sayu sambil kata "Tak pelah, diorang fikir aku sakit agaknya".
I still think positive because they are my friends. Walaupun sekarang dah awkward bila ada dengan diorang.
And aku fikir, maybe salah aku jugak sebab aku tak bagi effort sepenuhnya untuk dekatkan diri dengan diorang. And to be honest, yes aku cemburu tengok diorang gelak-gelak, suka-suka, cakap pasal menda yang aku tak tahu, boy itu, boy ini, just because I choose to be in my world.
And that's the meaning of this sentence.
Bila diri tak sempurna, kita tahu.
I'm struggling. To be a better person.
But I think, I don't give enough to receive enough.
And this is Naim's respond.
Why are you whining? Be grateful for what you have and don't cry over things that you don't have. Don't ever try making people sympathize you by writing (even though you're quite talented at writing!) such blogposts. And no I don't hate you for any reasons, I don't ask you not to write about love, I don't ask you to make your blog private, and blame me for reading your blog but I can't stand seeing you being like you described yourself here, because my name is Naim Hanafiah.
I'm sorry if you think like that, maybe I'm wrong. But I'm grateful for what I have. If not, saya tak ada kat sini, still trying to catch up with you guys.
But it comes from my heart, Naim, thank you. Cuma bukan niat saya nak mintak or tagih simpati orang lain. I'm sorry.
I still heart you.
It's the thanks.
Thank you,
Naim Hanafiah.
I'm sorry if that's the point you'd get from the post.
L.O.V.E.
=)
I miss you, kawan.
Friend, sebelum aku tidur malam ni, aku nak kata, aku rindukan kau.
Aku rindu nak dengar suara kau. Sumpah.
Aku rindu nak tengok kau. Sumpah.
Aku rindu nak mengusik, nak bergaduh dengan kau. Sumpah.
Aku rindu bila kau mesej aku dulu. Rindu dengar kau kata apa yang aku suka tengok kau. Rindu dengar kau kata kau suka tengok aku lari. Rindu bila kau suruh aku kahwin cepat sebab aku suka baby. Rindu bila kau tanya aku, kalau aku ada suami, aku bagi tak suami aku kahwin banyak. Rindu bila kau kata
"Saya tak tahu la. Walaupun orang kata awak tak cantik ke, awak ganas ke, awak jalan kengkang ke, awak hitam ke, tapi pada saya awak tetap lawa. Tak kisah la apa orang kata."
Aku rindu, bila kau tolong pilihkan kasut untuk aku.
Sumpah aku rindu kau, senyuman kau, and memori dengan kau.
Tapi mungkin aku dah salah langkah.
Aku rindu kau yang mengarut tu. Sebab kau selamanya sweet, kawan.
Thanks. Aku tidur dulu ye?
P/s : kawan, kau bahagia kan?
Aku rindu nak dengar suara kau. Sumpah.
Aku rindu nak tengok kau. Sumpah.
Aku rindu nak mengusik, nak bergaduh dengan kau. Sumpah.
Aku rindu bila kau mesej aku dulu. Rindu dengar kau kata apa yang aku suka tengok kau. Rindu dengar kau kata kau suka tengok aku lari. Rindu bila kau suruh aku kahwin cepat sebab aku suka baby. Rindu bila kau tanya aku, kalau aku ada suami, aku bagi tak suami aku kahwin banyak. Rindu bila kau kata
"Saya tak tahu la. Walaupun orang kata awak tak cantik ke, awak ganas ke, awak jalan kengkang ke, awak hitam ke, tapi pada saya awak tetap lawa. Tak kisah la apa orang kata."
Aku rindu, bila kau tolong pilihkan kasut untuk aku.
Sumpah aku rindu kau, senyuman kau, and memori dengan kau.
Tapi mungkin aku dah salah langkah.
Aku rindu kau yang mengarut tu. Sebab kau selamanya sweet, kawan.
Thanks. Aku tidur dulu ye?
P/s : kawan, kau bahagia kan?
Allah ada. =)
I love Marie Digby.
But I love her song more than I love her.
And today, to be truth, is the day, that I think I am the Miss Invisible she talks about.
Miss Invisible lyrics
There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name
The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name
And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...
There's a girl
Who sits under the bleachers
Just another day eating alone
And though she smiles
There is something just hiding
And she cant find a way to relate
She just goes unnoticed
As the crowd passes by
And she'll pretend to be busy
When inside she just wants to cry
She'll say...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer, I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take another look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day
When you'll ask her her name
The beginning, in the first weeks of class
She did everything to try and fit in
But the others they couldn't seem to get past all the things that mismatched on the surface
And she would close her eyes when they left and she fell down the stairs
And the more that they joked
And the more that they screamed
She retreated to where she is now
And she'll sing...
[Chorus]
Take a little look at the life of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little harder I really really want you to put yourself in her shoes
Take a little look at the face of Miss Always Invisible
Look a little closer and maybe then you will see why she waits for the day that you will ask her...her name
And one day just the same as the last
Just the days been in counting the time
Came a boy that sat under the bleachers just a little bit further behind...
It's pathetic being me kan? It's no fun being me. I am all alone.
Sangat menyedihkan bila... You are such an unwanted person in one community.
Alienated.
Keep smiling, Athirah.
Accepting yourself as a total defeat is hard, but tomorrow...
You'll be fine.
You'll always be fine.
Because you are strong.
And Allah's always with you.
Bila diri tak sempurna, kita tahu.
I'm struggling. To be a better person.
But I think, I don't give enough to receive enough.
Allah ada. Allah ada. Allah ada.
Kill me instead.
You are so lucky, girl, and I could have given everything to have your place to be switched with mine. I saw all the love he has for you, which is not mine. And I cried that much, seeing him to love you, to hope that he can be with you. His heart, his gaze, I think it's all about you girl.
He never told me he loved somebody else when he was with me, and yet, he told me, he loves you, the day he left me. You know how hard it was to ever forget, to let him love someone very badly. I read every single things you have written for both of you. Your dream. Your love. Your future marriage. And I was silently crying, praying hard for both of you, to be happy.
Because I can't see him in pain, girl. I couldn't.
I don't know what happened to both of you. And I know you knew about me when he was with you. What else do you want from him, girl. He LEFT me, for you. He LEFT me, after all the things I've done for him. And I was stupidly, let him go. Because I thought he can be happy with you. I thought you was his ONE.
Untuk engkau berdua, kau tahu tak apa erti cinta sebenarnya? Kau tahu tak apa erti cinta sebenar tanpa nafsu? Aku tak nak nafsu! Dan aku tahu cinta tanpa ikatan yang sah tu dilarang! Tuhan je tahu kalau aku boleh kahwin sekarang tanpa apa-apa halangan, untuk halang aku dari berdosa mencintai makhluk Tuhan yang bukan bernama suami, aku sanggup taruh hidup aku untuk cinta suci, yang Allah halalkan dari sisi syarak. Cuma aku tak sanggup, sebab aku tak mahu gadaikan hidup aku tanpa arah tuju.
Mungkin semua perlekeh cinta aku. Mungkin semua rendahkan nilai cinta aku. Aku siapa? Aku makhluk Tuhan. Aku cuba, aku cuba. I might have killed myself because I know I've done the wrong thing to my creator kalau aku bodoh. Aku zalim pada diri. Aku kejam pada diri. But aku takkan salahkan takdir. Ini jalan yang aku pilih. Kalau boleh lari, aku nak lari. Sumpah aku nak lari.
Girl, aku sanggup serah balik dia pada kau, untuk tengok senyuman dia balik. Kau tak pernah tengok Adam yang aku kenal dulu. Kau tak pernah tengok senyuman Adam, ketawa dia, azam dan semangat dia dulu, girl.
Aku hilang dia, girl. Kali ni aku hilang diri dia. Dia datang balik, girl. Tapi apa yang aku nampak pada dia. Kosong. Aku kesal, sebab aku langsung tak dapat buat apa-apa untuk dia. Dia tak mungkin bahagia dengan aku girl. Tak mungkin.
Untuk apa aku terima orang yang tak sayangkan aku. Bila di mata dia hanya ada orang lain. Dalam jiwa dia ada orang lain. Sungguh aku buntu, girl. Sungguh.
Ya, aku muda. This is not something to worry about. And I don't want you to put yourself in my shoes. Because I know you'll never know. Because you won't do what I did, or will do.
Dimana letak syurga itu,
Biarku gantikan tempatmu denganku,
Adakah tanda syurga itu,
Biar kutemukan, untuk bersamamu...
~
P/S : Satu saat kau suruh aku tunggu, aku akan tinggalkan Adam. Tapi aku tahu jawapannya bila engkau diam. Bahagialah kawan. Kalau dia lebih perlukan aku. Dan aku tak pernah layak untuk kau. Sungguh aku tak pernah layak. Demi persahabatan ni, demi ikatan ni, aku buang sayang, dan kita kawan. Sampai bila-bila. Kau takkan tahu. Dan walau kau tak tahu, aku tahu, kita tak berkongsi perasaan yang serupa. Kawan, aku kawan kau sampai bila-bila. Dan aku sayang kau, walau bukan sampai bila-bila. Aku harap aku dapat keberanian untuk bagitahu. Tapi aku tak cukup berani.
He never told me he loved somebody else when he was with me, and yet, he told me, he loves you, the day he left me. You know how hard it was to ever forget, to let him love someone very badly. I read every single things you have written for both of you. Your dream. Your love. Your future marriage. And I was silently crying, praying hard for both of you, to be happy.
Because I can't see him in pain, girl. I couldn't.
The day he returned to me, I was hurt. Badly.
But somehow, I saw him. In pain, girl.
I backed off when I knew he loves you. In tears. You never know.
Untuk engkau berdua, kau tahu tak apa erti cinta sebenarnya? Kau tahu tak apa erti cinta sebenar tanpa nafsu? Aku tak nak nafsu! Dan aku tahu cinta tanpa ikatan yang sah tu dilarang! Tuhan je tahu kalau aku boleh kahwin sekarang tanpa apa-apa halangan, untuk halang aku dari berdosa mencintai makhluk Tuhan yang bukan bernama suami, aku sanggup taruh hidup aku untuk cinta suci, yang Allah halalkan dari sisi syarak. Cuma aku tak sanggup, sebab aku tak mahu gadaikan hidup aku tanpa arah tuju.
Mungkin semua perlekeh cinta aku. Mungkin semua rendahkan nilai cinta aku. Aku siapa? Aku makhluk Tuhan. Aku cuba, aku cuba. I might have killed myself because I know I've done the wrong thing to my creator kalau aku bodoh. Aku zalim pada diri. Aku kejam pada diri. But aku takkan salahkan takdir. Ini jalan yang aku pilih. Kalau boleh lari, aku nak lari. Sumpah aku nak lari.
Girl, aku sanggup serah balik dia pada kau, untuk tengok senyuman dia balik. Kau tak pernah tengok Adam yang aku kenal dulu. Kau tak pernah tengok senyuman Adam, ketawa dia, azam dan semangat dia dulu, girl.
Aku hilang dia, girl. Kali ni aku hilang diri dia. Dia datang balik, girl. Tapi apa yang aku nampak pada dia. Kosong. Aku kesal, sebab aku langsung tak dapat buat apa-apa untuk dia. Dia tak mungkin bahagia dengan aku girl. Tak mungkin.
Untuk apa aku terima orang yang tak sayangkan aku. Bila di mata dia hanya ada orang lain. Dalam jiwa dia ada orang lain. Sungguh aku buntu, girl. Sungguh.
Ya, aku muda. This is not something to worry about. And I don't want you to put yourself in my shoes. Because I know you'll never know. Because you won't do what I did, or will do.
Dimana letak syurga itu,
Biarku gantikan tempatmu denganku,
Adakah tanda syurga itu,
Biar kutemukan, untuk bersamamu...
~
P/S : Satu saat kau suruh aku tunggu, aku akan tinggalkan Adam. Tapi aku tahu jawapannya bila engkau diam. Bahagialah kawan. Kalau dia lebih perlukan aku. Dan aku tak pernah layak untuk kau. Sungguh aku tak pernah layak. Demi persahabatan ni, demi ikatan ni, aku buang sayang, dan kita kawan. Sampai bila-bila. Kau takkan tahu. Dan walau kau tak tahu, aku tahu, kita tak berkongsi perasaan yang serupa. Kawan, aku kawan kau sampai bila-bila. Dan aku sayang kau, walau bukan sampai bila-bila. Aku harap aku dapat keberanian untuk bagitahu. Tapi aku tak cukup berani.
Sebab aku tak sanggup hilang kau.
Membongkar Misteri.... Nu, Eh?
Ha kau aku nak suggest satu buku yang aku nak korang cari kalau interested dengan topiknya.
Owkey, maybe I sound like a total freak but to be honest I am very much interested with those weird things all around the world. Ini semua pengaruh Mastika la since I was young. I read a lot of weird things dalam Mastika, and digging myself deep dalam setiap pembacaan aku tu. So, no wonder la those weird terms in that book, yeah, I'm familiar with.
I once read about theology when I was in Standard 6. Yess, it IS dangerous, Standard Six student read about theology, and blablabla and yeah it consists of other religions too, ajaran sesat, blablabla, and yes, I borrowed it from the library, and my Ustazah. Memang aku buat kerja gila. Sebab aku minat UFO, (maybe that's why aku ni macam alien jugak, ehem, alienated) aku minat tamadun-tamadun dulu-dulu (aku kenal Nebuchadnezzar since I was errmm standard Three or something?) sambil baca and bayang-bayang macam mana orang dulu-dulu hidup), and aku kenal Macchu Picu sebelum aku tahu macam mana manusia berkembang biak secara seksual (aku Science Stream student ah dulu!)
Owkey, aku mengaku sekarang ni aku tak berapa pasti sangat bila orang tanya aku pasal semua tu, but membaca buku ni buat aku ingat balik everything walaupun tak semua ah kan sebab buku ni sentuh secara halus apa kaitan semua-semua yang pelik dalam kehidupan kita and penulis berhujah secara logik akal and cara yang boleh diterima. Aku have fun ar baca buku ni, and tak menyesal langsung aku habiskan duit beli buku tu and now sekarang I'm waiting for the next book written by the author or (currently tengah cari jugak ah kalau dah keluar).
So, siapa yang suka baca benda-benda pelik selama ni,
Jeng jeng jeng..
Pergi ke MPH dan beli buku itu sekarang!
I once read about theology when I was in Standard 6. Yess, it IS dangerous, Standard Six student read about theology, and blablabla and yeah it consists of other religions too, ajaran sesat, blablabla, and yes, I borrowed it from the library, and my Ustazah. Memang aku buat kerja gila. Sebab aku minat UFO, (maybe that's why aku ni macam alien jugak, ehem, alienated) aku minat tamadun-tamadun dulu-dulu (aku kenal Nebuchadnezzar since I was errmm standard Three or something?) sambil baca and bayang-bayang macam mana orang dulu-dulu hidup), and aku kenal Macchu Picu sebelum aku tahu macam mana manusia berkembang biak secara seksual (aku Science Stream student ah dulu!)
Owkey, aku mengaku sekarang ni aku tak berapa pasti sangat bila orang tanya aku pasal semua tu, but membaca buku ni buat aku ingat balik everything walaupun tak semua ah kan sebab buku ni sentuh secara halus apa kaitan semua-semua yang pelik dalam kehidupan kita and penulis berhujah secara logik akal and cara yang boleh diterima. Aku have fun ar baca buku ni, and tak menyesal langsung aku habiskan duit beli buku tu and now sekarang I'm waiting for the next book written by the author or (currently tengah cari jugak ah kalau dah keluar).
So, siapa yang suka baca benda-benda pelik selama ni,
ini
buku yang aku anjurkan untuk dibaca.
Sambil-sambil tu datang jenguk-jenguk kat sini pada sesiapa yang berminat. =)
HAVE FUN!
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