Emptiness...

*sigh.

you know sometimes i can feel the emptiness of my life. i can feel it become hollow from day to another day. i walk along the path of my life, and i'm not enjoying it. i try to convince myself to live my life to the fullest, i try to do things i loved some times ago, but i cannot feel the satisfaction of doing it anymore. sometimes, it became sooooo stupid and i turned to hate it.

i don't know when it started to happen. i try to satisfy every single person i knew, without thinking for myself. when people ask me something or ask me to actually do something for them, i just follow. although i'm not happy to do it, i feel obliged to help my friend. but after some time, i realised, it is not an obligation for me and i have rights to refuse from helping them. but it's too late. when i'm actually not helping them, i will stuck in guilt whenever i bumped into them.

loyalty is a problem for me. some people feel burdened if i'm "stuck" to them. i believe my dependence to them really smashed and wrecked our relationship. they feel i'm an immatured person because of that. sometimes i'm not enjoying their company, i feel like they are nothin to me, but they are my friends, don't they? so i make sure i will follow them, in every single moment, whether it is sweet or bitter.

i am no longer feel the state of happiness and satisfaction in my life. i don't know why, it seems that every single thing i've done or am doing it, will turn into ashes and man, i feel nothing. my life is a real nothing, and i don't know why is this happen. i really want a real company, but when it comes to appreciating it, i failed. in the middle of the crowd, i feel lonely, but when i'm stuck in my own world, i want to free myself from that burden.

my life is not enjoyable anymore. is that something i can do to free myself from this feeling?

i don't want to be matured if i cannot feel the taste of happiness and satisfaction any longer.

i'm no longer appreciating my life.

deep inside, i really wanna scream. HELP ME TO FREE MYSELF FROM ME!!!

you got what i mean? never mind.